Forgive

Monday, 27 October 2025, headline in the Belgian news: Isabelle Adam reveals that her first manager not only left her with a financial hangover, but also had paedophile tendencies. She managed to keep him at bay, but the memories of him were still clearly painful. Isabelle Adam is better known as the singer Isabelle A. since she was 11 years old.

She says she has forgiven him. The journalist interviewing her is Eric Goens. As a journalist, he has been through a lot. He was once editor-in-chief of VTM Nieuws, the news programme of the largest commercial television channel in Belgium. He now has his own television production company, Bargoens. He has interviewed many big names. He asked ministers probing questions while looking them straight in the eye. I once met Eric and sensed a drive and also empathy in him.

But then I hear him asking Isabelle Adam questions about forgiveness. "Does he deserve to be forgiven?" He asks the question in diverse ways. The undertone: that man doesn't deserve forgiveness, does he?

I hadn't expected this. Is this typical of the “white macho” journalist?

Forgiving someone else is not a gift to that person. That's a gift to yourself.

And unfortunately, this is still so unknown. How come?

It could have been a good opportunity to talk about the power of forgiveness. An insight that can bring so much healing to many people today.

There is a great deal of literature on the subject of forgiveness. But I “m afraid that it is often put in the category 'soft and therefore silly”. Sometimes I read or hear the recommendation to forgive someone, but I miss the context. Because that recommendation sometimes feels like: ‘Stop complaining about it and just accept it.’ And that's not right. It should not cause you any additional trauma. It should not be a punishment ‘because you have been complaining about it for too long’. You really need to feel ready for it. And it should feel like a gift to yourself. No additional punishment, but a gift, a relief.

Jan De Cock, a Belgian pastor and prison chaplain (do not confuse with the Belgian artist with the same name), has written a book about it: Hotel Pardon, Wereldverhalen over verzoening (Hotel Pardon. World tales about reconciliation). A book with stories about people who have experienced something terrible, but who discovered that forgiveness, rather than “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”, has a liberating effect.